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Now as all of us workaholics know, lunch is truly the only time when you can have some good ol' fashioned workahol in peace,
at least in school. If you do it in class, you either get yelled at, lectured, sent outside, sometimes they even take your
workahol (especially if it's delicious or electronic, or electonrically delicious) and ironically, the worst punishment is
being sent home, even though that gives you plenty of time to drench yourself in workahol.
Anyway, back to the point. Lunchtime = damn awesome. There are several lucky individuals who have mothers who are willing
to make them lunch every day. Unfortunately for me, my mother refuses to, or is just too lazy, to do so. Nevertheless, I am
still able to take shelter under the mediocre food that is served for an extravagent amount of money in our school. This is
how I felt before I layed my eyes and my tastebuds on Otis Spunkenmeyer (sp?) Cookies. Well, his name isn't important, but
whoever you are, you are truly awesome.
Thus, I must wait until the last 10 minutes of lunch so that the lunchlines are short, so that I can buy COOKIES. DELICIOUS,
OOEY, GOOEY, UBERIFFIC COOKIES.
In anticipation of these wonderful delights, I happily waited in line for several minutes. Unfortunately, I could see
that the cookie supply (or in this case, the workahol supply) was detrimentally low! Thus, I anxiously heard and watched everyone's
order, hoping that they wouldn't take the last remnants of joy that I had left of the day. Finally, I was second in line,
and there were four cookies left.
That bastard... Of course, as you may have guessed, he took all of the cookies. But it is truly the specifics which are
both haunting and appalling. First off, he did not even ask for four cookies, he asked for "ALL OF THE COOKIES."
It's one think to unintentionally suck the workahol bottle dry, but to insist on taking the entire bottle, that is nothing
less than pure injustice. To make matters worse, the second after he bought the cookies, he gave two of them to the person
who was obviously waiting outside of the line. So, the person who refused to HAPPILY WAIT LIKE I DID got the two cookies.
Well, I think we'd all like to tell you: Congratulations, you damn son of a bitch.
Well, I suppose there are several things we can learn from this lunchtime felony. First off, lunchtime = awesome time
to have some workahol. Second, workahol is something that must be shared, and if you suck up all the workahol, then we must
remember what Homer Simpson once said. "No beer and no tv make Homer go crazy."
With a few minor adjustments, this quote can be perceived as:
"No workahol and no Otis Spunkenmeyer cookies make workaholics really pissed off."
Finally and most importantly, we must remember that this is just one of the tragic injustices that occur to workaholics
everyday. Whether it be your parents telling you to do some extra work, or your teachers telling you that you must re-write
something because it isn't legible , we must stick together to recuperate from such grave losses.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go buy some cookie dough, I mean workahol, eh I'll buy a little of both.
-Maximus
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