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Yup, that's right. Superpowers. And I'd be prepared to defend them to the end. Well, no, not really. Actually, I just swim.
Not that well, maybe, but one tight thing that it gives is that it gives me uber-metabolism that'll make any crazy obese child
jealous.
If you need to lose weight, stop your complaining and get the hell off your ass. I'm tired of hearing fatass people complaining
that they're too hellishly lazy to get up and do anything, and then later complain about how they need to lose weight. My
goodness, take a look at what the hell you're doing to yourself before you come to me. Like I know what to do. Nor do I care
about your problem if you're just too damn lazy to do anything.
Now, you're probably saying to yourself- "What the hell? Wasn't this guy rooting for procrastination and workahol
and crap like that just a few articles before? And isn't that the title of this site or something?" But before you sick
the rabid beavers in your backyard on me (bad memories), let me tell you - get over it. You're the one with the problem. Now
you just have to accept that, and do something about it, and if you don't, don't come running to me. Meanwhile, my uber-metabolism
lets me eat twice as much as you for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, and any other meals I happen to discover. I feel like
an ice cream cone now. And you know what? I can get one. Except that there are none in the fridge. But that's beside the point.
Shut up.
You know what else is annoying as hell? When people don't even show you enough respect to write properly as they IM you.
I mean, I suppose "G2G" is Okay if you really are in a hurry and you really do need to go, but what about "LOL"
and "ROFL" and "LMAO" and all that crap? Honestly, it's bull. Don't use it. If you're literally rolling
on the floor laughing, Okay, you can tell that person that in regular English after you're done, thank you. I won't get into
too much detail on this- try godsaveus.tk for some more on this.
Now, back to what I was talking about before. Uh... what was I talking about before? Hrmm. Well, in any case, food is
a good thing, unless you eat too much of it without any reason or anything to back it up. I can eat what I want and sit on
my ass for a day, but that's only because I swim. Go, get up, stop reading this. Do something. Stick your head in the toilet
and flush it, I dunno, I suppose your hair could get excercise or something. Yeah, I know, that's the lamest attempt at a
joke I've ever made today. I'm just generally tired now. Maybe its because at the beginning of writing this article, I was
hungry as hell, but now I just ate dinner. And I don't want to do anything. I scarfed that food down like your mother scarfs
down... food. You can substitute anything you want there, I'm not stopping you. It's your mom, after all.
So--- yeah. I have superpowers. And you don't. Deal with it, buddy.
-Publius
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