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Now, we've all heard that one guy who always bitches and moans about getting only 9 hours of sleep. Before you hit the guy
with a crowbar (I always bring one to school), you realize that you really envy the guy for getting some sleep.
Well, not anymore, now that guy can go suck a lemon, for I have found a unique solution: a nap! Now, when I mean "a
nap," I don't mean a nap in which you rest your head during class because your teacher starts sounding like a hummingbird
(refer back to article 1), but I mean getting your ass on a bed and resting for four hours.
I'm sure there is something who just read the first two paragraphs and asking: Why don't you just start your homework
when you get home and sleep at 10 pm? In response, I have a series of questions: If you are doing your homework, why are you
here? Why don't you go do your homework and drink your ovaltine? Finally, Go to Hell! (The last one wasn't really a question,
but if you feel so outraged that you wish to call me on it, refer back to my last comment.)
One of the best things about sleeping late is that you either do serious work or serious workahol. Honestly, at night
there isn't much stuff to do. Youl could watch really bad tv programming, old 70s tv programming in which guys are wearing
short-shorts (not quite sure why you would, but it's a free country) or videos in which Darth Vader explains the dark reactions
in photosynthesis, or you could do some serious workahol on your computer. Since there isn't much stuff to do at night, you
could do some serious workahol for just a few minutes and feel obliged.
Referring back to Melvin in paragraph 3, if you do work without sleep, you're pretty stupid, because you're gonna get
tired by like 11 o clock, and you will do a horrible job on your homework because you want to go to sleep. Anyway, Sir Isaac
Newton took a nap, and he discovered the laws of gravity (there was an apple in that story somewhere, but no time for specifics.)
After waking up from your long nap, you will at first feel like you made a mistake. But as school has taught me, time
is deceiving. Just because you wake up at 10 pm, it doesn't mean that you are screwed. Plus, this sense of anxiety will compel
you to do your homework immediately (I have silenced this nerve through lots of naps and feeding it diet coke) and then get
done quicker. It just means that you stay up a little longer, do a better job on your homework, and get to do some awesome
workahol between homeworks. (p.s.: if it actually takes you a long time to do your hw, screw the nap, I'm assuming I have
a smart audience)
According to a recent survey conducted by myself, people really pay attention to sentences which start with that phrase.
Now, it's time to change your life because I said so. Go ahead, take a nap, I'll be here when you wake up (well, I might be
taking my nap) Anyway, let's take a page from our little obese hooting friend and take the nocturnal pathway in life. Plus,
sunlight is distracting anyway. Take a nap, enjoy it, and then enjoy your homework for the rest of the night.
So the next time you see that same guy complaining (especially if he is emo, dear god, remind me to write an article about
those guys), go tell him: "Go take a nap you asshole!" and make sure you have your crowbar in case he respectfully
disagrees, and a fast car wouldn't hurt either.
- Maximus
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